12 Relationship Rules Every Cruising Couple Should Know
It’s not all sunsets and champagne in the cockpit. Here are some rules to keep your relationship afloat.
*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure policy for more info.
Living on a boat together sounds romantic — sunsets in the cockpit, morning swims, coffee with a view.
And it is.
But there are also tight quarters, shared chores, and the occasional argument about who forgot to close the hatches before it rained.
My partner Tom and I have lived on a sailboat together for almost 10 years, starting in the San Francisco Bay and cruising down to Mexico in 2020.
Cruising as a couple is one of the biggest relationship tests you’ll ever take — and one of the most rewarding. You share everything: the stress, the responsibility, the moments of awe. Some days you feel completely in sync; others, you’ll want to get off the boat. But if you can survive the test, you’ll be stronger than you ever were on land.
Here are 12 relationship rules every cruising couple should live by.
1) Always Assume Good Intentions
When something goes wrong, it’s easy to take frustration out on each other. Maybe one of you missed a line, misheard an instruction, or hesitated at the wrong moment. Suddenly, a simple mistake feels personal.
If that happens, remember it’s not about you — it’s probably just stress, weather, or plain old fatigue.
We learned to pause before reacting and remember we’re on the same team. We take a breath, remind ourselves we’re on the same team, and deal with the problem first.
It’s amazing how quickly a situation shifts when you start from the assumption that the other person is doing their best.
2) Divide Tasks by Strength
Forget pink and blue jobs. One person might love tinkering with the engine, while the other has a knack for navigation, sewing sails, or cooking underway.
We quickly learned that fairness isn’t about doing equal amounts of work — it’s about doing what each of us is best at, or at least what we don’t completely hate doing.
For us, this tends to fall into the blue and pink categories. I provision, cook, and maintain the online business that keeps us cruising, and Tom tackles all boat projects and maintenance. This is just what works for us and appeals to our strengths.
Life on board becomes much smoother when you stop keeping score and just focus on keeping things running.
3) Make a Plan Before The Pressure’s On
Nothing causes tension faster than docking or anchoring without a plan.
In the beginning, we’d just wing it — one of us at the helm, the other on the bow, both assuming the other knew what was about to happen. Then the wind would pick up, the depth alarm would start beeping, and suddenly we were both shouting things that the other couldn’t hear.
It didn’t take long to realize that “I thought you meant…” is the start of most boat arguments.
Now, before we enter a marina or drop the hook, we take a minute to review the plan: who’s doing what, what could go wrong, and what the backup is. It’s a small habit that’s saved us from a lot of stress (and shouting). We also use hand signals instead of shouting or using headsets, and it works really well for us.
4) Respect Each Other’s Quiet Time
Living in a small space means you’re together all the time. You eat, sleep, work, and use the restroom in less than 40 feet of living space on a boat.
It’s easy to mistake needing space for being distant, but everyone needs a little alone time — reading a book in the cockpit, going for a walk on the beach, or listening to their favorite podcast on the settee.
We learned to regularly make room for small moments of solitude, even when we don’t feel we need them.
Giving each other that breathing room is key to having a healthy relationship.
5) Learn to Laugh It Off
Things will go wrong. Lines will tangle, dishes will slide off the counter, and the toilet will clog at the worst possible time.
We learned that you can let it ruin your day or decide it’s just another story to laugh about later. Humor fixes tension better than anything else.
When things go sideways, we try to find the humor in it — even if we need to take a few deep breaths first.
6) Don’t Keep Score
It’s tempting to track who did what — who cooked, who polished the stainless, who earned more money, or who fixed the toilet. When you live and work in the same small space, it’s easy to start tallying up every task and quietly resenting the imbalance.
But cruising is about teamwork. Some days one of you does more simply because the other’s exhausted, seasick, or knee-deep in the engine bay.
When you stop keeping score and start appreciating what your partner does for you, the energy on board shifts, and everything feels lighter.
7) Agree on Safety Rules
Safety decisions shouldn’t happen mid-panic. When the wind’s howling, the waves are building, and everyone’s a little on edge, it’s not the time to debate whether to reef or head to port. Uncertainty when you’re stressed can lead to arguments.
That’s why we set our safety rules before we leave the anchorage. We talk through the “what-ifs” before we head out.
What’s our wind limit? When do we reef? At what point do we call it and head for shelter? Those conversations at anchor make it easier to act fast and stay calm when things get stressful.
8) Check You’re On The Same Page Regularly
If one of you dreams of crossing oceans and the other wants quiet anchorages, that friction will eventually show up in the decisions you make.
Agreeing on the next destination or passage plan is not enough. You need to understand the kind of life you each want to live aboard. Do you crave adventure, solitude, community, or comfort? The answer can shift, and that’s okay — as long as you keep talking about it.
There’s no single “right” version of the sailing dream. But when both people are excited about the same adventure — or at least understand and respect each other’s — everything feels smoother.
9) Handle Conflict Early
On a boat, small frustrations can quickly escalate. There’s nowhere to storm off to, no spare room to cool down in, and no long commute to forget about it all.
Talk about any issues sooner rather than later. It’s never easy to bring something up, but waiting only makes it worse. A calm chat over coffee or a drink in the cockpit almost always clears the air.
It’s always worth tackling conflict before it turns into resentment. Because when the anchor’s up or the weather turns, you’ll need to trust each other completely.
10) Celebrate Small Wins
When you live on a boat, even the smallest victories count — docking smoothly, fixing something that’s been broken for weeks, or making it through a tough passage without snapping at each other.
When everything on board takes effort, those little moments feel huge.
We’ve learned to pause and notice them — to high-five after a tricky maneuver, share a quiet toast in the cockpit, or just say “nice job” when the day goes right.
Celebrating the wins, no matter how small, reminds you that you’re a team and that you’re getting better together.
11) Keep Romance Alive
Romance at sea is less about candlelit dinners and more about a quiet coffee in the cockpit, a shared sunset, or fixing something together.
When you live in close quarters, you learn to make everyday moments count. Sometimes that means giving your partner an extra hour of sleep, a back rub after a long passage, a genuine thank-you when the other person fixes something you couldn’t.
The longer you cruise, the more you realize romance isn’t about escaping routine — it’s about finding connection in the middle of it.
12) Remember That You’re Lucky to Have Each Other
Some days it’s hard to see it — the heat, the repairs, the constant motion — but boat life is something few people get to experience together. Not everyone finds someone willing to go cruising.
Conscious moments of gratitude can help you let go of frustration and remind you why you chose this life — and each other — in the first place.
Even on the hard days, we remind ourselves how lucky we are to be out here, side by side, living this strange, beautiful, impossible dream.
Final Thought
When you set off cruising, go in with realistic expectations. You’ll have magical days, miserable moments, and plenty of small annoyances in between.
But every challenge you get through together strengthens your bond.
Please provide details
You nailed it ! My husband snd I left San Diego , Ca , in 2013 . We cruised several years in Mexico (Ensenada to PV , and Sea of Cortez ) and then sailed to the South Pacific where we sailed extensively . We learned the same lessons you did and by the end of our trip , we had a deeper love and respect for each other The couples we saw who didn’t make it , clearly could not work as a team under stressful situations nor did they appreciate the skills the other brought . Sailing will make or break you . If you grow closer at sea , it is because you have learned to work as a team . You have to learned to forgive quickly. You have learned to stay focused on each other and your responsibilities . . You know a rift in the relationship can cause mistakes (which can result in disaster) so you try harder , and forgive faster, ! Add the joy of sailing across a vast ocean , surviving a violent storm and exploring deserted islands and you know you share something special . I think sailing is the best thing for a relationship because …
It will define it . Thank you for sharing your post !